Sunday, November 13, 2011

Finding my joy

October 31, 2011
Alexis Marie

Little sleepyhead. She's wonderful.

November 2, 2011
Bryce Ashley

How blessed am I? VERY!

Over the last year I've struggled.  I kept wondering where my words were.  Where was my creativity, my joy?  I kept coming up empty.  I got nothin', man.  I didn't feel like I had anything to say, let alone anything of any interest.

I came to the realization that I was in a depression, and it had very much to do with my Mom's passing, although I didn't put it together until recently.  A complicated relationship, but we were always best friends. I loved her hugely, and I miss her so much.

The birth of these two bundles of miracles is such a blessing.  I feel hope today.  I find myself smiling at the mere thought of them.  The pride I feel for these children of mine to give themselves over completely to these babies is immense. 

I spent the day today with one of my best friends, had lunch and went antiquing and poking around a boutique.  We started whispering about the crafty things we saw and how we would remake them in "our style."  We always do that.  We're cut from the same cloth.  It's like we can see the wheels go in each others heads.  We have such big plans, but it's like since I'm a gypsy now, we don't follow through with our ideas. 

She lost her Mom a couple of years ago, too.  I recognize her lack of initiative.  She is my mirror, and I am hers. We haven't talked about that, but it's true, for sure.

But, with the birth of these babies, I'm dusting myself off, shaking some life into this skin, and will try to fill myself with sunshine, laughter, and love of life.  That is what I want to pass on to these little beings.


  1. It's so good that your back. If it hadn't been for meeting you on FB I'd have been quite concerned by your absence. You have so much to be joyful for I hope that you shake off the dust and come back out into the sunshine and re-awaken your love of life. It's good out here.